Finance Signals from the Vault
The Pink Pineapple: Peak Idiocracy, or Just Another Tuesday?
Okay, a pink pineapple. Seriously? We're celebrating *this* now? Benny Blanco, who I'm pretty sure I've only heard of because of TikTok, is raving about it. Great. Just what the world needs: another influencer-approved, genetically-modified… thing.
Pink Pineapple: Eat the Rich, Literally?
Lycopene Dreams and Marketing Schemes
So, it's a pineapple, but pink. Because science. Apparently, they tweaked the DNA to keep it pink instead of yellow. They say it's lycopene, like in tomatoes. Fine. But let's be real, this ain't about health. This is about Instagram. It's about rich people wanting something to show off at their stupid parties. "Oh, look at me, I'm eating a pink pineapple." Give me a break.
And the price tag? $25 to $50 *per pineapple*? Are you kidding me? For that kind of money, I could buy, like, fifty regular pineapples. Or, you know, actual food that isn't designed for social media clout.
They even ship 'em without the crown to keep them "exclusive." As if anyone's actually trying to replant a pineapple. Who has the time? Who even *wants* to? Maybe Martha Stewart, but she's got a whole different level of crazy going on.
This whole thing just screams "late-stage capitalism." Find a way to make something slightly different, slap a huge price tag on it, and watch the morons line up to buy it. I hate it, I really do.
Pink Pineapple: The $50 Virtue Signal
Health Benefits? Yeah, Right.
Oh, and don't even get me started on the "health benefits." Vitamin C, antioxidants, aids digestion… it's a pineapple, people! A regular pineapple has all that stuff too! Are we really supposed to believe that this pink version is somehow magically healthier? I'm calling BS.
Lycopene might reduce cancer risk, they say. Well, so might eating a balanced diet and not living in a polluted city. But who wants to do that when you can drop $50 on a pink pineapple and take a selfie with it?
They say it's safe to eat because it's "just" preserving lycopene. Okay, but what else are they not telling us? What other tweaks did they make to get that perfect shade of millennial pink? I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but something about this whole thing feels… off.
It's also low in calories, they point out. As if the kind of person buying a $50 pineapple is worried about calories. Seriously?
Pink Pineapples: Proof We're Officially Doomed?
The Viral Machine
And ofcourse, it's gone viral. Because everything does these days. Influencers, food bloggers, TikTok taste tests… it's a perfectly engineered storm of hype. As The Pink Pineapple: Nature’s Sweetest Trend Taking Over the Internet — and Benny Blanco Approves points out, even Benny Blanco is on board. This is what we've become: a society obsessed with novelty and fleeting trends. We're so easily distracted by shiny objects that we can't even appreciate a regular, perfectly good yellow pineapple anymore.
But hey, who am I to judge? Maybe I'm just a grumpy old man yelling at a cloud. Maybe this pink pineapple is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Maybe… nah, I don't buy it.
It's a Goddamn Joke
